halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
