It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
