My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
