My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
