I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
