I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
