I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her vagine was all disorganized.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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