atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
