Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize