I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
