I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
