I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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