i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
