Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
apparently the secret to your success is patron
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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