i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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