I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
