you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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