i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
