Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
