i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
