you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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