i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
