Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
