keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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