That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize