I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
