dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
