my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
