Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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