I want to have your abortion
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
