What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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