I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
