I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
