so that wasnt chicken after all
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
