I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
