Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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