it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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