I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
