My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
