All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
