Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
