i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
