Tell her she can't have a vagina
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
