You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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