im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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