i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
