Nicole vs. Life
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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