Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
