Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
