Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
