To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
