my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
