I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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