so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
