I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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