Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize