i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
