lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
