no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize