And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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