I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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